All the best one-liners...
...OK, I admit that some of these aren't one-liners...
Some of these are courtesy of Drew's Script-O-Rama...
You may also find some of the text offensive... you have been warned
[Colonel McQueen is about to go kill Chiggy Von Richthofen, the enemies ace flyer]
Priest: Colonel. Colonel! Colonel McQueen! Do you need to make peace with your maker?
McQueen: My maker was some geek in a lab coat with an eyedropper and a petri dish. What do I need to make peace with him for?
Priest: In times of war, we must all make peace with our maker.
McQueen: Well, I don't think our maker wants to hear from me right now. Because he knows I'm going to go out in this plane and I'm going to remove one of His creations from His universe, and when I get back, I'm going to drink a bottle of scotch as if it was Chiggy Von Richtofen's blood and celebrate his death.
Priest: Amen.
Lt. Col. Tyrus Cassius"T.C." McQueen (played by James Morrison)
Space, Above and Beyond (1996)
Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning.
If we're not back by dawn... call the president.
Jack Burton (played by Kurt Russell)
Big-Trouble in Little China (1986)
GRU: Now I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money...we have no money.
So how WILL we get to the moon? The answer is clear...we won't.
[Gru drops, defeated, into an empty chair. The crowd is even more depressed.]
GRU: We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know; I have fired up my resume, as I suggest that all of you do as well.
[The crowd sags even more. Gru stares back at everyone, feeling horrible. Then he feels a tug on his jacket. Gru looks down and sees Margo, Edith and Agnes. He frowns.]
GRU: What is it? Can’t you see I am in the middle of a pep talk?
[Agnes produces a PIGGY BANK. Gru stares at it. He takes the piggy bank, shakes it, and it rattles. He opens it, and several coins fall out onto his hand. He stares at them. Then looks at the girls. Feeling things he’s probably never felt before.]
[Then, one by one, the minions produce their own treasured possessions...]
Felonious Gru (Steve Carell)
Despicable Me (2010)
Commodore Glen Van Ross: I'll be a son of a bitch if I go to your funeral, Ty.
McQueen: Yes you would sir. But we'll talk about your mother when I get back.
Lt. Col. Tyrus Cassius"T.C." McQueen (played by James Morrison)
Commodore Glen Van Ross (played by Tucker Smallwood)
Space, Above and Beyond (1996)
Narrator: You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.
Narrator (Rod Sterling)
The Twilight Zone (1959-64)
Callahan: I know what you’re thinking: 'Did he fire six shots, or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track of myself.
But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?'
Well, do ya, punk?
(Dirty) Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood)
Dirty Harry (1971)
DuPont: Don't look so surprised, Preston. Why should Father be more real than any other political puppet? The real Father died years ago. The Council simply elected me to pursue his paternal tradition. And you, Preston, the supposed savior of the Resistance, are now its destroyer, and, along with them, you've given me yourself...
Calmly...
Cooly...
Entirely without incident.
[Polygraph machine scribbling rapidly]
Preston: No. [Beeping]
Polygraph technician: Oh... Shit.
Preston: Not without incident....
DuPont (Angus MacFadyen)
John Preston (Christian Bale)
Equilibrium (2002)
Jones: I HAD A GUARRANTEED MILITARY SALE WITH ED 209...RENOVATION PROGRAM..SPARE PARTS FOR TWENTY FIVE YEARS...WHO CARES IF IT WORKED OR NOT?
Morton: The Old Man thought it was pretty important, Dick.
Richard 'Dick' Jones (Ronny Cox)
Robert 'Bob' Morton (Miguel Ferrer)
Robocop (1987)
Sherrif: ..In one-hundred and fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guily of the crimes of Murder, Armed Robbery of Citizens, State Banks and Post-Offices. The theft of Sacred-Objects; Arson in State Prison; Perjury, Bigomy. Deserting his Wife and Children; Enciting Prostitution; Kidnapping; Extortion; Receiving Stolen Goods, Selling Stolen Goods; Passing Counterfeit Money...
....and contrary to the laws of this state the condemned is guilty of using Marked Cards in a poker game...
..Therefore according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused: Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez...
Blondie: (under breath) Known as the Rat...
Sherrif:..any any other aliases he might have to be hanged by the neck until dead.. may god have mercy on his sole. PROCEED!
Sherrif (John Bartha)
Blondie, The Man With No Name (Clint Eastwood)
Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
aka The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
(slow, but intense) Listen. Understand.
That Terminator is out there.
It can't be reasoned with, it can't be bargained with...
it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear...
and it absolutely will not stop....
...Ever...
Until you are dead.
Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn)
The Terminator (1984)
Hudson: Hey, Vasquez...you ever been mistaken for a man?
Vasquez: No. Have you?
Private W. Hudson (Bill Paxton)
Private J. Vasquez (Jenette Goldstein)
Aliens (1986)
By Gad, sir, you are a character.
There's never any telling what you'll say or do next, except that it's bound to be something astonishing!
Kasper Gutman (Sydney Greenstreet)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Ready for the action now danger boy.
Ready if I'm ready for you danger boy.
Ready if I want it now danger boy.
How dare you, dare you, danger boy.
I dare you, dare you danger boy.
Aeon Flux
(chewing his CB): Like I told my last wife, I said, "I never drive faster than I can see."
Jack Burton (played by Kurt Russell)
Big-Trouble in Little China (1986)
When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it...
Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
You just listen to the ol' Pork Chop Express an' take his advice on a dark and stormy night when some wild-eyed eight-foot tall maniac grabs your neck an' taps the back of your favorite head up against a barroom wall.
An' he looks you crooked in the eye an' he asks if you've paid your dues.
You look right back at that big sucker an' remember what Jack Burton always says at times like that. "Have you paid your dues, Jack"
"Yeah, I paid my dues... The cheques in the post.
Jack Burton (Kurt Russell)
Big-Trouble in Little China (1986)
Blink once, you're dead. Blink twice, you're buried. Understand?
Aeon Flux
Don't be too sure I'm as crooked as I'm supposed to be...
Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Remember what the fellow said.
In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce?
The cuckoo clock... So long. Holly.
Harry Lime (Orson Wells)
The Third Man (1949)
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near Tannhäuser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time.
like tears in rain.
Time to die.
Batty (Rutger Hauer)
Blade Runner (1982)
There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker 'fore you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice.
Now I'm thinkin', it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness.
Or is could by you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that.
But that shit ain't the truth.
The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd...
Jules (Samual L. Jackson)
Pulp Fiction (1993)
The Wolf: If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fuckin' car.
Mr Wolf (Harvey Keitel)
Pulp Fiction (1993)
(pointing at the men as he gives them a name) JOE:Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr.Pink.
MR. PINK: Why am I Mr. Pink?
JOE: Cause you're a faggot. ( Everybody laughs )
MR. PINK: Why can't we pick out our own colors?
JOE: I tried that once, it don't work. You get four guys fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black. Since nobody knows anybody else, nobody wants to back down. So forget it, I pick. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow.
MR. BROWN: Yeah, but Mr. Brown? That's too close to Mr.Shit. ( Everybody laughs )
MR. PINK: Yeah, Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. Tell you what, let me be Mr. Purple. That sounds good to me, I'm Mr. Purple.
JOE: You're not Mr. Purple, somebody from another job's Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink.
MR. WHITE: Who cares what your name is? Who cares if you're Mr. Pink, Mr. Purple, Mr. Pussy, Mr. Piss...
MR. PINK: Oh that's really easy for you to say, you're Mr. White. You gotta cool-sounding name. So tell me, Mr. White, if you think "Mr. Pink" is no big deal, you wanna trade?
JOE: Nobody's trading with anybody! Look, this ain't a goddamn fuckin city counsel meeting! Listen up Mr. Pink. We got two ways here, my way or the highway. And you can go down either of 'em. So what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink?
MR. PINK: Jesus Christ, Joe. Fuckin forget it. This is beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink, let's move on.
Joe Cabot (played by Lawrence Tierney)
Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi)
Mr. Brown (Quentin Tarantino)
Mr. White (Harvey Keitel)
Reservoir Dogs (1990)
”Socially a Journalist fits in somewhere between a Whore and a Bartender.
But spiritually he stands beside Gallieo. He know the world is round...”
Sherman Duffy, Chicago Daily Journal..
”Socially I fit in just fine between the Whore and the Bartender- both are close friends , and I knew the world was round...
I then discovered Flat, and that there are things dark and terrible waiting just over the edge to reach out and snatch life from the unlucky wanderer...”
Carl Kolchak (played by), Las Vegas Daily News
Nightstalker()
MARSELLUS: I've grasped that, Jules. All I'm doin' is contemplating the "ifs."
JULES: I don't wanna hear about no motherfuckin' "ifs." What I wanna hear from your ass is: "you ain't got no problems, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Go back in there, chill them niggers out and wait for the cavalry, which should be comin' directly."
MARSELLUS: You ain't got no problems, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Go back in there, chill them niggers out and wait for The Wolf, who should be comin' directly.
JULES: You sendin' The Wolf?
MARSELLUS: Feel better?
JULES: Shit Negro, that's all you had to say.
Marsellus Wallace (played by Ving Rhames)
Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson)
Pulp Fiction (1994)
I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression.
Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.
We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.'
Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!'
Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
Howard Beale (Peter Finch)
Network (1976)
Hudson prowls the aisle, his movements predatory and exaggerated. Ripley watches him working his way toward her.
HUDSON:
I am ready, man. Ready to get
it on. Check-it-out. I am the
ultimate badass...state of the
badass art. You do not want to
fuck with me. Hey, Ripley, don't
worry. Me and my squad of
ultimate badasses will protect you.
Check-it-out...
He slaps the SERVO-CANNON controls in the GUN BAY above them.
HUDSON:
Independently targetting
particle-beam phalanx. VWAP!
Fry half a city with this puppy.
We got tactical smart-missles,
phased-plasma pulse-rifles,
RPG's. We got sonic eeelectronic
ballbreakers, we got nukes, we
got knives...sharp sticks --
Hicks grabs Hudson by his battle harness and pulls him into a seat. His voice is low, but it carries.
HICKS: Save it.
HUDSON: Sure, Hicks.
Private W. Hudson (Bill Paxton)
Cpl. Dwayne Hicks (Michael Biehn)
Aliens (1986)
I’ll be back.
The Terminator(Arnold Schwarzenegger)
The Terminator (1984)
Hasta la vista, baby
The Terminator(Arnold Schwarzenegger)
Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
You’re gonna need a bigger boat.
Brody (Roy Scheider)
Jaws (1975)
Tran:Yes, your farm.
[points a gun at Lazarus]
Tran:Where is your farm, AMERICAN?
Lazarus:My farm?
Oh, shit.
Here's my motherfucking farm!
[pulls out guns and starts firing and whooping]
Yeah!
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
Kwan-Lo! I'M A LEAD FARMER, MOTHERFUCKER!
Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.)
Tran (Brandon Soo Hoo)
Tropic Thunder (2008)
John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.
John Keating (played by Robin Williams)
Dead Poets Society (1989)
[Keating stands on his desk]
John Keating: Why do I stand up here? Anybody?
Charlie Dalton: To feel taller!
John Keating: No!
[dings a bell with his foot]
John Keating: Thank you for playing, Mr. Dalton. I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.
John Keating (played by Robin Williams)
Charlie Dalton (Gale Hansen)
Dead Poets Society (1989)
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
Piter De Vries (played by Brad Dourif)
Dune (1984)
Nanny McPhee: There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is.
[Nanny McPhee turns around to walk out of the room, but stops once she hears Simon]
Simon Brown: We will never want you!
Nanny McPhee: Then I will never go.
Nanny McPhee (played by Emma Thompson)
Simon Brown (Thomas Brodie-Sangster)
Nanny McPhee (2005)
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, If no one else can help and if you can find them. Maybe you can hire, The A-Team.
The A-Team (TV Series: 1983-1987)
Hynkel: I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an Emperor -- that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone, if possible -- Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another; human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there's room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful.
But we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent, and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.
To those who can hear me I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass and dictators die; and the power they took from the people will return to the people and so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
Soldiers Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel; who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate; only the unloved hate, the unloved and the unnatural.
Soldiers Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written, "the kingdom of God is within man" -- not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men, in you, you the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power! Let us all unite!! Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie! They do not fulfil their promise; they never will. Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people!! Now, let us fight to fulfil that promise!! Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers: In the name of democracy, let us all unite!!!
Hannah, can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up, Hannah. The clouds are lifting. The sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world, a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed and brutality.
Look up, Hannah. The soul of man has been given wings, and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow - into the light of hope, into the future, the glorious future that belongs to you, to me, and to all of us.
Look up, Hannah. Look up!
Adenoid Hynkel (dictator of Tomania)/A Jewish barber (played by Charlie Chaplin)
"The Great Dictator" (1940)
Spock: I have been . . . and always shall be . . . your friend. [He places his hand on the chamber glass, and his voice is a whispered broken husk. Live long and prosper!
Spock (played by Leonard Nimoy)
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
The Shadow Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!
The Shadow (played by Alec Baldwin)
The Shadow (1994)